Advice from a Divorced Man

While checking on my Facebook account this morning, I came across a post shared by a friend.  It was entitled, "Beautiful Advice from A Divorced Man After 16 Years of Marriage".  I wonder what made him write that blog.  And I wonder who was at fault..

I do agree it was indeed a beautiful advice, not only for men but for women as well.  And one thing that struck me most recently (and was reminded again from that blog) is that, relationships need to be constantly nurtured.  Each one MUST make an effort to make the relationship work and must always bear in mind that a broken relationship may start from a "simple" misunderstanding.

But I would like to make it clear.  I did not learn this advice from my failed marriage.  It is only applicable to people who are both in love with each other and are sincerely committed to do so until the end. :)

Surviving a One-Month Marriage...

It was only this afternoon that I was able to watch the uncut interview of Aiai delas Alas on Youtube.  Too bad, she fell prey to the hands of a user, a materialistic opportunist and womanizer at that.  I admire Aiai for being courageous enough to get out of marriage that soon.  She is still lucky that she did not prolong and waste much of her life being in a hopeless relationship with a guy who just took advantage of her.  Unlike me...

Video Credit

My Major, Major Mistake...

If I were to be asked by somebody (who may not be as handsome as William Baldwin) with this question: "What is one big mistake that you made in your life, and what did you do to make it right?", I would have said, "my major, major problem, err mistake, was being married to my ex-husband."  To make it right? it's my decision to end the marriage. that's all. thank you.

Venus Raj is lucky and at 22, is young enough not to experience those nightmares that I went through.  Good for her...

Retrouvaille

I always believe that married couples who are in the verge of separating need help.  Marriage counseling plays a significant role in patching a wounded marriage.  But a couple need to be humble first by acknowledging that indeed, there is a marital problem and BOTH parties must be willing to solve it.


In today's issue of Philippine Star, one of the featured articles that caught my attention was that entitled, "Retrouvaille program saves many marriages".  Accordingly, the Retrouvaille program, the Catholic ministry designed to help trouble married couples renew their relationship, has already saved many marriage.  Retrouvaille is a French word which means to rediscover.

If interested, there will be a Retrouvaille weekend seminar on August 14-15, 2010 at the Mother of Mercy Spiritual Center in Tagaytay.   One may contact Fr. Dave Clay at tel nos. 098-902-0511 and 525-0308, Mar at 0927-315-3765 or Fe at 0918-918-7670.  All calls will be held in strictest confidence.

BC Bloggers 4

Just like what I posted in my other blog, ripples in surigao, i am more than encourage to update this blog.  As already mentioned therein, I will be joining BC Bloggers 4 soon and I hope this blog, among with my other blogs, will be subsequently registered.

If you are also interested, please check this link. 

Sacred Heart O Love Divine

Let me post here the lyrics of Sacred Heart song.  This is not just an ordinary song.  It is a prayer.  It is very much meaningful especially for those who are suffering emotionally right now.  Here it is:

O Sacred Heart! O Love Divine!

O Sacred Heart! O Love Divine!
Do keep us near to Thee;
And make our love so like to Thine
That we may holy be.

Heart of Jesus hear!
O heart of Love Divine!
Listen to our Prayer;
Make us always Thine.

O Temple pure! O House of gold!
Our heaven here below
What sweet delight, what wealth untold,
From Thee do ever flow.

Heart of Jesus hear!
O heart of Love Divine!
Listen to our Prayer;
Make us always Thine.

O Wounded Heart, O Font of tears!
O Throne of grief and pain!
Whereon for the eternal years,
Thy love for man does reign.

Heart of Jesus hear!
O heart of Love Divine!
Listen to our Prayer;
Make us always Thine.

Ungrateful hearts, forgetful hearts,
The hearts of man have been,
To wound Thy side with cruel darts
Which they have made by sin.

Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus

I attended a 1st Friday mass here in the office few hours ago. Accordingly, first Friday is intended for the devotion of Sacred Heart of Jesus.

I remember when I was still in Butuan, I was still suffering from depression then (caused by my ex-husband's betrayal), I found solace in churches be it in Lianga, or at Butuan's Sto. Niño Shrine or Cathedral.

One Friday late afternoon, I just arrived in Butuan from a special audit in Lianga, I decided to drop by the Cathedral. There I chanced upon devotees of Sacred Heart of Jesus doing the praise and worship.

The feeling I had while I was in the church was indescribable. It was as if the deep burden I was carrying in my heart then was unloaded... That is, after I silently sobbed while kneeling and praying inside the church.  I even covered my face with my already tear-soaked handkerchief just to cover myself.  I was hoping I would not be identified by people and just be plainly oblivious to other churchgoers.

But please, don't get me wrong.  I am not boasting that I am a prayerful person.  I would just like to express what I went through when I was still nursing a badly bruised heart.

Anyway, since then, I became a devotee. But considering that I could not keep up with the church's early schedule of devotion, I decided to buy a prayer handbook and pray in the comforts of my bedroom.

The healing process was not easy... It took so much time... With the help of prayer, I gradually learned to deal not only with my depression but also, forgiveness...

Why My Ex-Husband Agreed To Annul Our Marriage (last part)

Who would not be scared to be placed in a controversial limelight especially when one is guilty of his own crime. Of course, if you were in my ex-husband's shoes, you would pay for the annulment fees, right?

Yeah, that's what he did. As to from whom and/or from which he got the money to fund for such a costly endeavor, that is... no longer my business. :)

Why My Ex-Husband Agreed To Annul Our Marriage (part 2 of 3)

Moreover, the next issue that I raised was, who is going to pay for the annulment expenses? Certainly not me! When we got married, our officemates and common friends said it was as if my ex-husband won the lotto while I, I lost all my fortune thru a fire. They must have seen a premonition... of a doomed marriage.

Anyway, back to who should pay for the annulment case: I convinced my ex-husband by intimidating him that rather than paying for a lawyer to defend him for a concubinage case that I would file against him and his mistress for an adultery, he has no other choice but to pay for the annulment case. There would also be a possible consequence that their lovechild might be dragged to the scandal, as well as, evidence of scandalous circumstances that my ex-husband and his mistress created.

(to be continued)

Why My Ex-Husband Agreed To Annul Our Marriage

I am writing this article to give you an idea of why I said in my previous post that my ex-husband was forced to cooperate and pay for the annulment fees.

Months before I filed for an annulment case against my ex-husband, I called him asking that our marriage be finally put to an end... legally. I explained that there is no more reason to save our marriage since: 1) we don't love each other anymore; 2) his infidelity is grossly incurable; 3) we already have our own separate lives; 4) at that time, he was already living in with his mistress, with whom he has a lovechild; and not to mention, 5) he housed his mistress in a place where a number of our COA officemates are residing (delicadeza, are you there?)

to be continued...

Help! Attention: my ex-husband!

I've been legally single since the beginning of this year (please refer to my previous posts on this). Unfortunately, until now I could not use my maiden name in my government transactions yet as I don't have the necessary papers to support my change of name. It takes a long process. (Sigh!)

One of the requirements needed is the certificate of finality of decision to be obtained from the regional trial court where my annulment was filed and decided upon. I requested for such document thru my lawyer, Atty. Azura. But until now, I still didn't receive it. According to Atty. Azura, my ex-husband has not yet fully paid the filing/certification fee of P1,000+.

I understand why my ex-husband would no longer cooperate on paying the necessary fees and all. There is no reason anymore for him to get intimidated (as what I did before just to force him to cooperate and pay for the annulment fees).

Well, that's just his unconscious way of showing of who he really is! Now, back to my dilemma, I need help! Anybody, please!

It's Confirmed, I'm Single... Again?

To those who are asking: yes, my marriage is finally over. I got the judgment on my annulment case just this January. Actually, there is no marriage to speak of from the very beginning. That is, if I am correct in interpreting the phrase, "null and void ab initio", from the dispositive portion of the decision. Hence, should I say, "I was never been married"?

Speaking of decision, I'll be posting some of its excerpts soon!

Keep posted! :)

My ATM Card

I was browsing through my ATM transaction slips when I remember that sometime ago, in the year 2004 to be exact, something happened to my ATM card while I was away.

My ex-husband and I were still together then. We went to Cebu for a vacation. We left my house and my car to the care of my ex-brother-in-law (my ex-husband's youngest brother). I did not realize then that my LBP ATM card fell from my bag while I was in the car right before we departed for Cebu.

Upon our return to Butuan, I was relieved when I found that my ATM card was at the passenger seat of my car. To my surprise, my account balance was decreased by P1000 (don't laugh. P1000 was still A LOT then). I then inquired from LBP-Butuan. That ever gracious staff (thanks to her) revealed that indeed there was a cash withdrawal made from my account at the LBP-Butuan ATM machine... WHILE I WAS IN CEBU.

So, who was the culprit? I then remember that weeks ago before that incident, I oftentimes requested my ex-brother-in-law to withdraw money from my account. Hence, he knew my ATM PIN. And nobody knew my ATM PIN, not even my ex-husband (as I don't trust him that much), except me and my ex-brother-in-law.

So, to repeat the question, who was the culprit?

Trooping to the RTC

Last January 4, I got a text from somebody congratulating me for the positive result of my annulment case. Since the sender's mobile number is unregistered (I changed cp, by the way), I immediately assumed it was from my lawyer. I texted back that I might drop by the Regional Trial Court (RTC) Branch I as I was still in Butuan then.

When I was about to ask for my copy of the decision, I was told that the said document was already in the possession of my lawyer. It turned out it that it was not my lawyer who texted me. Never mind the identity, lest I might be cited for contempt. (ha?)

Fast forward: I got the document.. not from RTC Branch I but from the one who texted me. Who gave it to me is no longer relevant. I was given specific instruction not to tell anybody.

For now, I am awaiting for the end of that endless 15-day period. When would that be? I'm wondering...

i love you, my goodbye

if my memory serves me right, it was a week before christmas day when i texted my lawyer about the status of my annulment case. i was surprised to know that it was still pending at the regional trial court, meaning, the decision was not yet forwarded to the solgen (solicitor general) for concurrence.

my lawyer then promised to have it sent to solgen. that means, i would have to wait for another fifteen (15) working days from the day it was supposedly received by the solgen.

i could not wait for that moment when i will be using my maiden name again. i am so excited! i love it! my goodbye! :)

If I Were Jinkee...

Last time I heard from the entertainment grapevine, Krista Ranillo is already back in town. If I were not mistaken, it was reported that she eluded everybody in the airport by taking the path exclusively provided only for Pres. Gloria Arroyo and Manny Pacquiao. Hmmm, that's something fishy...

How about Jinkee? I have a hunch that she is still trying to nurse a pierced heart. Well, with all those nasty reports circulating around, regardless of whether it's true or just a haux, who would not be depressed of feeling betrayed by the love of her life?

As if everybody cares about my opinion (but i'll say it anyway), i do not like Jinkee. She seemed to be aloof, cold, and snubbish unlike her funny mother-in-law, Mommy D. But this time, Jinkee gained my admiration. She is purportedly standing by her man. I agree with what Ms. Gina Alajar allegedly posted in her Facebook shoutout that Jinkee should not give up her husband as Krista is not worth it.

Now I remember, I have to call my lawyer. He told me a month ago that the result of my annulment case will be released anytime within November. I haven't heard from him since then. I wonder if he meant, November of... next year? :(

she is still so lucky..

last saturday, i met dr. joy (a pediatrician) while we were attending a seminar. i later found out that, aside from the fact that we have the same three-letter name ending in letter "Y", we also share the same fate (almost!).. in marriage.

just like me, she got married twice (civil and church).

just like me, she has no children (thank God! we both agree, indeed, it is a blessing in disguise!).

just like me, she is financially independent from her husband.

just like me, she bought properties from her own pocket.

and just like my ex-husband, hers did not contribute for the payment of their domestic expenses.

and just like my ex-husband, hers cheated on her..

oh another thing! dr. joy discovered that she is just the 2nd wife. how did her husband do that? her husband applied for a late registration at the NSO and used another name. he was able to secure a birth certificate needed for the proceesing of marriage license, blah, blah, blah.

me? i believe i am also just the 2nd wife. unfortunately, i don't have a proof. i just hold on to what my ex-husband said days after we got married. he married lorlaine (check my previous posts re her identity) solemnized by the mayor (or the judge?) at the municipality of santiago, agusan del norte. according to him, the marriage contract was intercepted at the local civil registrar just in time before it was supposedly submitted to the NSO.

the only difference i noticed between dr. joy's fate and mine are:

a) her husband is earning much (he is an OFW), while mine, a government employee, who does not depend on his net take home pay (the lowest allowed by the government) but relied on the "donations" from the suppliers and his assigned agencies.

b) since her husband is also earning, he was not considered a leech to her, while mine.. never mind!

c) she did not change her name when she got married. good for her. me? i changed it (sigh!). i suggested to my husband (then!) that i would just be using my maiden name. he got angry! hmmp! if only i knew that we would just come to this point.. (sigh again!)

for now, dr. joy is just waiting for the decision of the bigamy case she filed against her husband. the decision will come out anytime soon.

dr. joy will be free again.

she is still lucky..

who is he anyway?

i went home from office at around 10pm last night. no, i did not render an overtime. an officemate from another department came over and talked about a relationship she just ended.

accordingly, her ex-boyfriend was a certified user. that's what her other colleagues describe him. there was one time they went to Mall of Asia. her ex-boyfriend wanted her to buy him an Armani perfume. although she can afford it, she did not give in. from then on, it had become an issue between them..

i told her, "hmm.. been there!".

i can relate to her. when we were still together, my ex-husband would ask me to buy him things for himself like books, shirts, and Levis' pants! at that time, i didn't own such expensive pants but i bought few pairs for him anyway lest it would become a cause for an argument. too bad, because of him i forgot to value myself..

he would resent me everytime i arrived home from travel empty-handed. there was even one instance that i gave him a white shirt which my brother gave me. he was disgusted to find out that it was just a promo shirt from a client of my brother.

by the way, do i have to mention that he was so disappointed when he received only a bar of chocolate from my sister who came home from United Kingdom?

my two brothers also got chocolates but they did not complain.. then, why would he?

my ex-husband panicked when his ex-mother-in-law consulted a fortune-teller..

yeah! i did mention in my earlier post that what triggered my husband to reluctantly confess about the crime his brother had allegedly committed was the fact that i told him that my mother consulted a fortune-teller. my mother was suspicious when she learned about the burglary.. she felt something was so fishy..

with a help of colleague, my mother was able to tracked the location of the fortune-teller. the pathway to her house was so steep that one false move would drag the unfamiliar visitor to roll down to the ground. i could imagine the horrendous ordeal my mother and her colleague went through considering their age, not to mention their chronic arthritis.

anyway, as narrated by my mother, they were able to talk to the fortune teller about their purpose. after the fortune-teller performed a ritual, she told my mother that the theft was somebody who is closely related to my ex-husband. she continued to describe in detail the identity of the culprit when my mother stopped her. my mother was so embarrassed that she did not want her colleague to hear the rest of the revelations. the description pointed it all to the identity of my ex-husband's brother..

my mother then vowed to return to the fortune-teller but she silently hoped her colleague would not go with her. she did not convince me to go with her, i myself was already convinced. but because of my busy schedule at that time, we were able to visit the fortune-teller only a few weeks after. unfortunately, the fortune-teller had difficulty delivering her service again since it happened more than a month already and my mother did not buy black candles as instructed..

when i told my ex-husband about that, he laughed deviously, turned his back from me, then tried to hide his sigh of relief..

i was helpless to ask help from NBI..

this is the 2nd to the last part of the previous post, "my ex-bro-in-law allegedly stole my jewels away.."

after his confession, my ex-husband firmly instructed me not to contact any NBI agents. i protested! i explained that to set things clear, the crime should be investigated to point out who the guilty party is. but my protest fell into deaf ears.. he was so sure that his brother did it. he further said that the result of the investigation would be a tremendous shame to the family.

the next thing i knew, he wiped off the finger prints on the jewelry box.. and so was my hope for justice..